The Buttered Toast of DOOOOOOOOOM
by Lefy
Summary: Randomness has taken over the ThunderClan! Matches, piccolos, wings, Ping Pong, Amazon, and chewing the same piece of gum for three moons! What is ThunderClan coming to?
1. Meet Thunderclan!

**Randomness has taken over ThunderClan! Firepaw has a sudden infatuation with matches, Graypaw won't get away from his piccolo, Spottedleaf has sprouted wings, Bluestar has played Ping Pong on her computer for days, Sandpaw has bought everything on Amazon, and Dustpaw has been chewing the same piece of gum for three moons! Tigerclaw has been…well; maybe it's safer if you didn't know.**

**Author's note: This is my first fan fic... So don't be too harsh!**

"MUHAHAHAHAHA" Bluestar cried, looking up from her screen. "I have finally beaten The Ping Pong champion!!"

"And I've finally learned how to not singe myself when lighting matches!" A blackened Firepaw said triumphantly.

"And I've learned to play the highest note in the world! At least the highest possible note that can be played on the piccolo!" Graypaw shouted. "Would you like me to demonstrate?" He raised the shiny instrument to his lips as everyone yelled,

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

It was too late. One-eye was now completely deaf, and every apprentice developed selective hearing. Not to mention that every piece of glass within 100 miles shattered…

"Graypaw. Put your piccolo away." Bluestar said sternly. "You shattered my computer screen!"

"Sorry, Bluestar!" Graypaw said cheerily, sounding absolutely contradictory of his words.

It was the Brag Meeting that ThunderClan had every night. All members were supposed to share their improvements.

Spottedleaf stepped up shyly, she didn't like bragging that much. "My lesson today is that I should avoid the Sky Monsters. They almost ran into my wings!" **For those who can't tell, "Sky Monsters" are airplanes… **

"WOW!!" the clan gasped. Weren't regular monsters enough?

"I've finally hit bottom in my spending account" Sandpaw announced. "Anyone willing to lend some money?" No one volunteered. Sandpaw never paid back debts, she spent it all on Amazon as soon as she got her paws on it.

"You'll get your allowance in two days" Bluestar said, shifting uncomfortably. "Then you'll have 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 (etc.) dollars to waste on Amazon"

"Two days?! I can't wait that long! Amazon is having a special sale!! Use 1,000,000,000 dollars, and you get a two-dollar rebate! I can't pass this up!" Sandpaw wailed.

"Okay, okay." Firepaw gave in to his fellow apprentice. "I'll give you access to my online bank account." Sandpaw looked thrilled. "BUT I need to borrow your Amazon account so I can buy more matches." Sandpaw nodded, ecstatic that she could buy more items. The two walked off, side by side, to Sandpaw's computer.

"Well," a dark, threatening voice growled, "I have something to say."

Everyone turned as a heavyset tabby tom padded to the front of the ThunderClan cats.

"Well, I have a plan to take Sunningrocks back from that mouse-brained RiverClan." Tigerclaw began.


	2. Tigerclaw's NEFARIOUS Plan

**Liked my first chap? Thanks for reviewing, if you did. It made me so happy, I was grinning like mad...until my sister threw a grape at me... Sorry it's still short... I'm not that good at carrying on a story... Maybe if you review more I'll write longer? Just a suggestion... Right now the only problem with the story is that I feel like I've done all the things ThunderClan is doing right now... If you have any random ideas, please submit them... I'm going to run out of insane ideas in a couple of chapters... I need to stop jabbering... ONTO THE RANDOMNESS!!**

"Well," Tigerclaw said slowly, "I suggest that we have Spottedleaf fly over the RiverClan Camp with Firepaw on her back. Then Firepaw could drop his matches onto those poor excuses for cats. Then Graypaw could play the highest note in the world again-" so far, the apprentices looked thrilled, "WITH every cat in ThunderClan wearing earplugs, of course. Bluestar can play REAL ping pong with the clan..." Tigerclaw rattled on and on with instructions for what the Clan members could do. Longtail could hit enemies with his two-mile long tail. Lionheart would release the lions that he kept locked up (in his heart, of course) and have them crush RiverClan. To give energy for all their efforts, Mousefur would hunt all the mice in her pelt and come up with enough prey to feed every cat in the forest, including kittypets in Twolgplace. Sandpaw could drop all her possessions from Amazon-

"WHAT?!" Sandpaw screeched as she heard that. "DROP ALL MY POSSESIONS?? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ALL THAT COST??"

"We all have to sacrifice desires to take Sunningrocks back. Redtail died trying to save it!" Tigerclaw hissed. Redtail was a white cat with a red tail. He was originally all white, but Fingerpaint, his mother, had dipped his tail in red paint. It had never washed out.

Darkstripe padded up to where Tigerclaw was speaking. He was a gray cat with a lot of black stripes running across his pelt. Fingerpaint had painted him as well.

"I agree with Tigerclaw. Sunningrocks is ours, and will always be ours. We should fight to save it!" Darkstripe spat at the cats listening.

"Anyways," Tigerclaw continued. "We'll torment them until they promise to give Sunningrocks back! Agreed? Any arguments?" Tigerclaw narrowed his eyes and stared at everyone, daring them to refuse him.

"Agreed" the clan murmured.

"But I can't fly!" Spottedleaf said, trying to prevent any battle, "The sky monster grazed my wing!" Indeed the pure white feathers were speckled with blood.

"Then we will wait until you are ready." Tigerclaw said, dipping his head in respect to the ThunderClan medicine cat. Everyone respected Spottedleaf, even if she was sometimes a bit of a coward.

_Three sunrises later_

"Ready, Spottedleaf?" Firepaw asked cheerily.

"I'd rather not be..." Spottedleaf muttered

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" The apprentices hadn't gotten over their selective hearing. To the dismay of most mentors, a lot of mornings went like this

* * *

_"Come on, Sandpaw. Time for battle training!"_

_"What'd ya say, Whitestorm?_

or

_"You need to check the elders for ticks now, Graypaw."_

_"I CAN'T HEAR YOU, LIONHEART!!"_

* * *

"Oops, get ready for flight," Firepaw said hurriedly.

"It's show time!" Tigerclaw hissed.

* * *

**Oh no! Will Tigerclaw's plan work? Will the ThunderClan warriors actually take back Sunningrocks? Will One-eye die when ShadowClan takes over the "Sky monsters" and release ninjas on the forest? Or will moldy cheese suddenly stop and force the butter to trap the walnuts and kill the turtle? Will I lose my sanity?! Oh wait, I've already lost it... By the way, Leafsong, the buttered toast comes in around Chap. 4.**


	3. LawClan

**As you recall, Thunderclan was attacking Riverclan. The cats were using their special gifts that I bestowed on them…**

**EspeonSilverfire2: Flock of seagulls… I love it! **

**Anymore random ideas? Penguins on the beach perhaps? Wait a minute... that's a good idea...**

**By the way, if you read my last author's note, I'd like to tell you something… I've decided that the ****moldy cheese will stop suddenly and make the butter trap the walnuts… But the turtle lives )**

"It's show time!" Tigerclaw hissed with glee. All the cats prepared, crouching down tensely on the forest floor.

"Now, you two. Fly!" Tigerclaw snarled. Spottedleaf took off at once, swooping through the night sky. But there was ONE factor Tigerclaw wasn't counting on. Actually, he didn't have to count on it… Because who finds a flock of seagulls by the forest? Thunderclan did!

"Foxdung!" Tigerclaw yowled as the white birds pecked at the flying Spottedleaf. Well, since seagulls are sea animals, **(I know what you're going to say, but why are they called SEAgulls if they aren't aquatic animals?)**They stole Lightningstreak, a warrior from Starclan, and had him chase the birds away, zapping gulls that were not flying away fast enough, in his opinion. Another thing Tigerclaw didn't count on happened…

* * *

"ORDER IN THE COURT!!" Gavelstar cried. Thunderclan was being brought before the leader of Lawclan, a division of Starclan (located in Siberia). Unfortunately, Starclan had been affected by the piccolo's shriek... They had developed all-the-time memory loss.

"These cats are being sued for the kidnapping of ummm... who was it again? Thunderdust, or something like that...Oh wait LIGHNINGSTREAK!! Lightningstreak, are these the cats that did it?" Marshalwhisker, the deputy asked. As the cat nodded, Gavelstar pounded his tail on his podium, a stack of his own personal laptops.

"I hereby order these cats to be...hm..." The leader thought for a few heartbeats. "I hereby order these cats to be... I forgot... I order them to be... hit in the face with a pie? No, that wasn't it... Forced to eat socks? Not that that...Wait a second... What crime did they commit again?" No one in Lawclan remembered... And Thunderclan wasn't going to speak up.

"No one recalls what we were doing? Ah well. Sorry for making you come here" Gavelstar said, shrugging, "Would you like a lollipop before you go? I'll call you a taxi to get back to ...wherever you live." As he called Drivingclan for a ride home, the Thunderclan argued over what lollipops they would get.

"I want the fuzzy green lollipop that looks like mold!" Upset-stomach cried!

"Hey, when did you join Thunderclan?" Firepaw asked curiously

"Lefy invented me for the sake of having a random character with a cool name" the cat explained. "I'll go away soon. I'm only here for this chapter."

"Oh." Firepaw replied, still confused "Lefy? Why do you make things so confusing?"

"What?" I asked, looking up from typing, "I didn't- wait... why are you talking to me, I didn't write that..."

"No..."Firepaw looked down at his paws, "I used hypnosis and convinced you to type these words against your will"

"Oh... Well, I need to do something to keep me awake... And I'm trying to surprise myself and somehow throw ninjas into the mess"

"Then why don't you drink coffee? What are ninjas"

"Um... 'Cause I wrote myself into medieval times and coffee isn't invented yet... In fact my laptop doesn't exist right now, so therefore what I'm typing is considered nonexistent as well. Making YOU nonexistent. As well as our conversation. Plus I don't drink coffee.. Ninjas are floccinauchiplification"

"Ah... Carry on then." Firepaw looked confused. I didn't blame him. Coffee is a hard concept to understand.. for cats, at least.

"Taxi's here!" Gavelstar announced cheerfully.

"But... that's a monster!!" Thunderclan gasped

"Yep!" Gavelstar said. "In you go!" Thunderclan warily opened the taxi door to find...

* * *

**I have a problem... I have too much time on my hands to have conversations with Firepaw... He hypnotizes me into most of them, though. Ooh... anyway a Cliffie!!**

**I love you, Cliffie! Can I call you Clifford? Oh wait... You're a big red dog!! AUGH!!**

**FIREPAW STOP HYPNOTIZING ME!!**


	4. Bleach, Chocolate Beaches, and Penguins!

****

Thanks for all the reviews and ideas

**Thanks for all the reviews and ideas! I'm going to try to use all of them, in a completely random order… and through in random twists. Oh, and make Firepaw the best cat in the forest. FIREPAW, GO AWAY! STOP HYPNOTIZING ME!! He is REALLY annoying! )**

**Lefy**

* * *

_Thunderclan warily opened the taxi door to find…._

The ants going marching one by one Yahoo! Yahoo

The ants are marching one by one on ! YAHOO!

They're carrying all of Sandpaw's stuff and tossing it off a cliff

"NOOOOO!!" Sandpaw screeched

"I"LL SAVE YOUR STUFF, SANDPAW!!" Firepaw yowled. And he did! He somehow stepped on all the ants at one time and killed them; Bluestar honored him by making him a warrior, Fireflames, and giving him an apprentice, who was created just for that purpose, Kitkit, now known as Kitpaw. Then, she made Lionheart and herself retire for a moon, and making Fireflames the leader for the time she was an elder.

* * *

"Firepaw!" I scolded. "You're being too dramatic!"

"Oh, I know. And I'm FIREFLAMES now. Get it right." FireFLAMES said scornfully

"You do realize that I'm going to go back in time and change what you did?" I asked, sure that he wouldn't be able to answer back

"Yep! But I fixed your computer so that you can't delete the words that you have, are and will type, so therefore, my extra 4.5 lives will stay with me!"

"4.5 lives?"

"Well, since I'm not really a leader, Starclan gave me half of what a leader would get…." Fireflames said proudly.

"Oh… then I'll kill you 4.5 times…"

"Can't" Fireflames said cockily, "Then you won't have someone to talk to…"

"But you'll still have your original life and not the ones Starclan added on!"

"Sorry, what'd ya say? Oh never mind… Sandysand is waiting for me!"

"Sandysand…?"

"Yup! I made Sandpaw a warrior. "Ysand" is the suffix I added!"

"You're horrible…"

* * *

_Before Firepaw took over my mind_

"NOOOOO!!" Sandpaw screeched. It was too late. Sandpaw's stuff had been thrown off "The Cliff of The Buttered Toast of DOOOM". But amazingly, none of the stuff broke. The buttered toast cushioned everything… Of course, everything was a little buttery afterwards. But THEN…

"SHADOWCLAN IS ATTACKING!! SHADOWCLAN IS ATTACKING!!" The yowl sounded through the Thunderclan camp. They had gotten themselves, and Sandpaw's stuff minutes before. And now this?

"Oh no!" Spottedleaf said cheerfully to Lionheart "We get to die now! Remember what Starclan told us?"

"Yay! I've been waiting for this for AGES!" Lionheart said, with equal enthusiasm. "I'm only sorry I have to leave my precious lions behind… Starclan isn't allowing them to enter their territory… Even though they have a perfectly good heart. The ones inside of them and the heart that they're locked up in…"Lionheart looked a little disappointed.

"Oh! Whoops! Here comes Clawface…." Spottedleaf walked up to Clawface and hit him on the nose.

"What was that for," the Shadowclan tom asked, rubbing his nose, looking at Spottedleaf with anger.

"Well, one, this is a battle! We're enemies! Plus, you're going to kill me in…um… right now!" Spottedleaf said, still filled with euphoria.

"Oh." Clawface looked puzzled. "How should I do it?"

"Drop a nuclear bomb on me," Spottedleaf suggested.

"No, that'd kill me too… I know!!" Clawface's eyes lit up as he had his idea. He dropped bleach on Spottedleaf and washed her spots away.

"NO!! NOT MY PRETTY SPOTS!!" Spottedleaf started writhing with embarrassment and in her own personal distaste of her new white pelt. She accidentally rolled over the "Kill Whoever Presses This Button" button, conveniently put there by yours truly, and killed herself.

"Well, that was easy" Clawface muttered. He turned around to face Lionheart.

"Do you want me to kill you too?" Clawface asked politely.

"Well, since Starclan said I had to die… But I don't want to die in battle. Let's go to "The Cliff of The Buttered Toast of DOOOM" and you can push me off. Okay?" Lionheart was happily walking to his death

"SURE!!" Clawface mewed ecstatically. So they did. Unfortunately, Sandpaw's stuff had weakened the toast… so Lionheart fell right through it and into… THE CHCOLATE BEACH OF NEFARIOUS HAPPENINGS where he was woken up by a pig.

"My name's Bobb-itty Bob Bo Bob. What's yours?" Bobb-itty Bob Bo Bob said, snorting. Lionheart looked around.

"We're not in Thunderclan anymore, are we Bobb-itty Bob Bo Bob?"

"Thunderclan? We're in THE CHOCOLATE BEACH OF NEFARIOUS HAPPENINGS!!"

"Um… okay…"

"OH LOOK IT'S THE PIG-EATING PENGUINS OF MISERY!!" Bobb-itty Bob Bo Bob yelled, still grunting whenever he spoke.

"Hi!" one of the Pig-Eating Penguins of Misery called, "We're here to eat you, Bobb-itty Bob Bo Bob!"

"Great! Oh, wait; no that's not what I'm supposed to say… OH NO!! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!" Bobb-itty Bob Bo Bob screamed as the Pig-Eating Penguins of Misery tore into his flesh.

"Interesting…" Lionheart commented as he watched the gruesome scene before him.

* * *

**Somehow, I worked all the ideas in. I have too much time on my hands... This isn't a cliffie, so Firepaw, you can stop running away from the "dog". I may update later today... If not tomorrow... If not then, then next week... If not then, then 30 years from now...**


	5. Nightmare

**Sorry for not doing anything- but I got NO reviews!! And then I died! Then I was reincarnated into my… evil twin sister! So, yeah, a lot happens when you go to visit your home in good, old California from your home in bad, old New Jersey! So… yeah!**

**Anyway, I apologize for making Lionheart and Spottedleaf die at the same time… But I'm too lazy to change anything. So… ONTO THE STORY!!**

**And special thanks to my friend, LeafClan Fan! She emailed me the last part of the story… I was running out of ideas! (And I still am… -cough- -cough-)**

* * *

"LIONHEART!!" A booming voice yelled from behind the golden cat. Shoot. It was GAVELSTAR!! What had Lionheart done to end up in front of LawClan again?

"Lionheart," the big tabby repeated, "You are charged with breaking into Leafecho's house and stealing all of her cookies, coffee, candle, all three million of her cell phones, AND her Wii! Do you plead guilty or not guilty?"

"Who's Leafecho?" Lionheart inquired.

"That is not the question. But Leafecho is that marvelous she-cat over there. She is more beautiful than dawn and dusk. Cleverer than the wise old owl. Kinder than… kind can be! And rich enough to pay me to say all that!"

"I don't remember paying him to say that…" Leafecho muttered.

"Of course not, darling," I said, "But _**I**_ paid him to say that."

"But effectively, you ARE me! After all, that IS your nickname!"

"True, darling, true. But I felt like-"

"Making fun of yourself?"

"No-"

"Then what did you want to do?"

"I was about to tell-"

"And why haven't you answered me yet?"

"Well, maybe it would have to do with your talk-"

"And do you think I should go and flirt with Leafclaw now?"

"Well, if that means you'd stop talking then ye-"

"And when can I become ruler of Starclan?"

"When will you finally stop talking?"

"Never."

"Then consider that your answer."

"But would you want to be ruler of Starclan?"

"Well, see, I'm an atheist so I don't-"

"Exactly! And since you are me; and you want to be ruler of Starclan, I want to be ruler of Starclan! And will you write yourself to be ruler of Starclan?"

"Well, I'm athei-"

"Exactly! And once again, since you are me and you are ruler of Starclan, I am ruler of Starclan!"

Suddenly Leafecho disappeared because she remembered that she was "taking a long trip to the Tribe of Rushing Water". And because of the power saw in my hands. But pay no attention to that little detail.

"Gasp."

"_Gasp._"

"**Gasp**_**.**_"

"Gasp!"

"_Gasp!_"

"**Gasp!**"

"GASP!"

"_GASP!_"

"**GASP!**"

"ALRIGHT ALREADY!!" I yelled. "WHAT IS IT WITH THE EXTREMELY LOUD GASPS?!" I looked in the crowd of cats swarming me, gasping, and saw Firepaw.

"We always knew you were cruel!" he meowed, "But are you really so evil as to take our tails?"

"What…?" I was totally mystified.

"You said something about details!" he yelled, "When you tried to declaw us, you tried to take our claws away! Detailing means to take away our tails!! Oh my giant Starclan. I think I have to go and pay a looooong visit to the Tribe of Rushing Water."

Like Leafecho, he seemed a little scared of the power saw in my hands. But let's ignore that detail once again.

"Gasp."

"_Gasp._"

"**Gasp**_**.**_"

"Gasp!"

"_Gasp!_"

"**Gasp!**"

"GASP."

"_GASP._"

"**GASP.**"

"GASP!"

"_GASP!_"

"**GASP!**"

"AUGH!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!" I yelled again. "I AM NOT TRYING TO TAKE YOUR TAILS OFF!!"

The gathered cats seemed to not hear me, probably because of their selective hearing. But they soon ran off, claiming to be scheduled for a cruise to the Tribe of Rushing Water. Maybe it was the power saw again, but let's ignore that detai- that piece of information.

"Gasp."

"_Gasp._"

"**Gasp**_**.**_"

"Gasp!"

"_Gasp!_"

"**Gasp!**"

"GASP."

"_GASP._"

"**GASP.**"

"GASP!"

"_GASP!_"

"**GASP!**"

"WHAT NOW?!" I screamed again. Firepw was, once again, in the crowd and he replied, angrily,

"Stop torturing innocent things! Why are you trying to take the tail off Informationpaw? You just said you were going to take a piece of him! And with your obsession of detailing cats, you MUST be trying to take his tail!"

"It's all a dream," I muttered. " I'm not having this day. This is only a nightmare. I'll never eat alligator before going to bed again."

Suddenly all the cats disappeared again. And I don't think it was because of my power saw. I saw Gavelstar in front of my shouting,

"LIONHEART!! You are charged with breaking into Leafecho's house and stealing all of her cookies, coffee, candle, all three million of her cell phones, AND her Wii! Do you plead guilty or not guilty?" I understood now! It WAS a dream! Maybe that was why I had a bump on my head that looked like a piano had hit me there!

"Who's Leafecho?" Lionheart inquired.

"That is not the question. But Leafecho is that marvelous she-cat over there. She is more beautiful than dawn and dusk. Cleverer than the wise old owl. Kinder than… kind can be! And rich enough to pay me to say all that!"

"I don't remember paying him to say that…" Leafecho muttered.

"Of course not, darling," I said, "But _**I**_ paid him to say that."

"But effectively, you ARE me! After all, that IS your nickname!"

"True, darling, true. But I felt like-"

"Making fun of yourself?"

"No-"

"Then what did you want to do?"

"I was about to tell-"

"And why haven't you answered me yet?"

"Well, maybe it would have to do with your talk-"

"And do you think I should go and flirt with Leafclaw now?" AIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIE!! THE NIGHTMARE ISN'T OVER YET!!

* * *

**Sorry people, but I forgot where I was going with the story… I was going to punish Lionheart somehow for stealing my Wii… and then Firepaw put me in his dungeons and I forgot what I was going to do to him… So I guess you'll have to wait! By the way, Leafecho IS my nickname, so that's why I put her in. She is not an imposter claiming to be me. However, her talkative-ness of her hyper-ness has NOTHING to do with me! Nope! Ooooh! Shiny turtles!**

**Lefy!**


	6. Leafsong's Chapter

**Well, first off, thanks for reviewing, those who did**

**Well, first off, thanks for reviewing, those who did. To clear up things- I do have cookies, and some candles. Now… about coffee… I have mentioned before that I do not drink coffee, but my cat is named Latte, so he's my caffeinated cat. I do not have a Wii. I do not have three million cell phones. How dare you think I have that number of cell phones? At my last count, my family owns 1301272091834092893484092380923 cell phones. Oh wait, the piece of paper is upside down… make that 17. ish. Half of them don't work though. They're just old cell phones that can't do anything except call 911. And we also have about six that my sister either a) dropped in water b) spilled water over or c) dropped in someone's yard and only found it again after it rained. So…. We good on what I do or do not own? Good! Now onto the story!**

**Special thanks to Leafsong. She helped to write this chapter. Well…. she kinda DID write this chapter. With help from me of course (meaning I did virtually nothing).**

After I got away from Leafecho's jabbers, I chased Firepaw around in circles at the Tribe's territory. I did not detail anyone. But I did go and pour coffee over Firepaw. That was fun. Coffee didn't seem to like it. But are kittypets ever happy? **(BTW- Coffee is my kitty's brother.)** I discovered I had Writer's Block, so I hit my head over the wall a couple times. Unfortunately, I ended up in the hospital, because I had the hugest headache ever in history, and a HUGE bump on my forehead. The worst part about spending the next two weeks in the hospital, besides not having my imaginary Wii or my cell phones, and not being allowed coffee (oh the horror!), was that THUNDERCLAN visited me! Apparently, a lot had happened in two weeks. Firepaw was no longer Firepaw! He was Fireheart! I had been lazy for a while, so they all grew up while I was sleeping! So they only grew up by about one month, but oh well! My little torturing victims were all grown up! But Thunderclan's visit went pretty much like this:

Fireheart: How are you, Leafy?

**Me (Lefy): Fine**

Fireheart: Not you, Lefy. I meant Leafy! You know… Leafpool?

**Me: But Leafpool isn't born yet…**

Fireheart: So?

**Me: …**

Random Nurse Number 532384328742389: _(enters) _Sorry sweetie, no pets allowed!

**Me: But they're not pets! They're my inspiration!**

Random Nurse Number 532384328742389: Sorry, honey. Inspiration or not, they have to go.

**Me: I don't think you realize I could blow you up!**

Random Nurse Number 532384328742389: Excuse me?

**Me: You heard me! I wrote this story and made you up! So I can blow you up whenever I want. So I'll press this button conveniently made just for me **_**(pushes button that says "Blow up Random Nurse Number 532384328742389)** _

Random Nurse Number 532384328742389: (_Blows up like a balloon.)_

**Me: Urgh! That's the 532384328742389 nurse that got filled with air! Where's my next nurse?**

Random Nurse Number 532384328742390:_(enters) _Here I am, master!

**Me: Cut out the nonsense with the 'master'. I don't want the audience to think I have a slave or something.**

Random Nurse Number 532384328742390: But I AM your slave… All 532384328742390 of us were your slaves…

**Me: Be quiet! Now read your script!**

Random Nurse Number 532384328742390: _(Shuffles some paper) (Says rather mechanically) _Sorry sweetie, no pets allowed!

**Me: But they're not pets! They're my inspiration!**

Random Nurse Number 532384328742390: Sorry, honey. Inspiration or not, they have to go.

**Me: I don't think you realize I could blow you up!**

Random Nurse Number 532384328742390: Excuse me?

**Me: You heard me! I wrote this story and made you up! So I can blow you up whenever I want. So I'll press this button conveniently made just for me (pushes button that says "Blow up Random Nurse Number 532384328742390)**

Random Nurse Number 532384328742390: _(Explodes into flames)_

**Me: Coolio x1000**

**Leafsong: Coolio x 1001! Beat that!**

**Me: Oh no, you didn't!**

**Leafsong: No, I didn't**

**Me: Don't make me snap my fingers in a Z formation, exclamation! Talk to the hand, talk to the fist, OMG! you just go dissed! Wait… what?**

**Leafsong: I didn't put that frog in your backpack. That was Firestar.**

**Me: Firestar?**

**Leafsong: Yah. You know Firepaw/heart/star?**

**Me: But he was Fireheart last I knew…**

**Leafsong: Well, you've been very busy with your experiments. You had to test the 532384328742390 times to see if your "Blow Up Button" worked.**

**Me: Good point… Hey wait… a frog?**

**Leafsong: Ummm… yah! See ya later, Lefy!**

Firestar: Ummm… Yeah! See you later, Lefy! I'm going to… talk to Skydream now…

**Me: Skydream? Who's she?**

Firestar: Oh yeah, she's my other daughter.

**Me: So Sandstorm had another litter of kits?**

Firestar: OF COURSE NOT!! I'm SOOO over Sandstorm! Whitewing was much prettier.

**Me: Dude… by the time she was born, you would have been about a bijillion gazillion seasons old. You're too old for her.**

Firestar: Yeah… that's what Goldstreak said

**Me: Goldstreak?**

Firestar: Yeah… my sixteenth mate.

**Me: SIXTEEN?!**

Firestar: Yup! But now I have twenty. Spottedleaf, Sandstorm, Whitewing, Goldstreak, Goldenflower, Ferncloud, Brightheart, Mousefur, Sorreltail, Russetfur, Nightcloud, Tawnypelt, Steakpelt, Mistyfoot, Willowpelt, Frostfur, Mothwing, Marigoldtail, and Heatherstreak.

**Me: ...**

**Leafsong: …**

**Me: When did you come back?**

**Leafsong: Oh, I'm not really here, I'm really in there _(points to Lefy's head)_**

**Me: Well that makes it all better then!**

**Leafsong: …**

**Me: Anyway, Firestar, all those cats are either too old for you, too young for you, or in a different clan!**

Firestar: So?

**Me: THAT'S IT!!**

Everyone: What?

**Me: Leafsong, I'm NEVER letting you write a chapter again!**

**Leafsong: BUT IT'S SO MUCH FUN!! _(Bursts into tears)_**

**Me: Oh stop acting. Save it for Broadway**

**Leafsong: Well now that you mention it, I just got an acceptance for Gr-**

**Me: Oh be quiet. _(turns to audience) _I'm sorry for this inconviencince. I let my friend write this. And I'm too lazy to change anything she wrote. So, if you're unhappy… Cry me a river, build me a bridge AND GET OVER IT!! So please wait until I actually have time to do something… try thirty years or so! So, so long, farewell, goodbye!**


End file.
